ROAD TRIPS: "When Love + Hate Collide"
I would rather drive than fly — ANY day of the week. (Even to Alaska).
I like seeing America up close and personal, right out the window —BIG and BEAUTIFUL. I love taking in the Bluebonnets and Azaleas in the south in Spring, deer and moose in Colorado in summer (#LoveSummer), the incredible foliage kaleidoscope across the north in the fall, and frost collected on trees—with red barns reflecting on fresh white snow—in a Midwest winter. #HateWinter
Occasionally, however, that LOVE of driving collides with HATE. Occasionally unwritten rules get broken and STUPIDITY disregards common sense. #CrapHappens .
Speaking from experience… (#RoadRules)
* The driver controls the radio. Period. Prepare yourself for that with headphones and you’ll be fine.
* It’s rude to wear headphones in the car. (Unless you’re watching a movie…then it’s rude NOT TO.)
* When a kid throws up in your car it’s everything they’ve eaten the past three weeks. #Truth Especially if you don’t have a bag or bucket along.
* Kids only tell you they really have to use the restroom after you’ve just passed the last one for 30 miles. #PennsylvaniaTollRoads
* If someone lets you merge in front of them and you don’t wave you are a giant jerk. Just sayin’. (#ImCallingYourMom)
* There is NOTHING more infuriating than driving behind vehicles (especially semi-trucks) that seemingly have no interest in passing each other—EVER—and are (of course) traveling UNDER the freaking speed limit. Don’t be that guy. Get out of the way. (#Move)
* The second most infuriating thing in the world is a road construction zone—with lane reductions—without ONE SINGLE construction vehicle in sight. (#YouveGotToBeFreakingKiddingMe)
* There should be NO TOLL on turnpikes with lanes closed for construction. (Or there should be a Refund Booth) I’m talking to you, Ohio. At that point the Amish are traveling faster than cars are. (#HighSpeedHorseCarts)
* Throwing cigarette butts out the window IS littering. We should be allowed to shoot your tires out when we see you do it. (#TexasRules)
* Looking at your cell phone when the light turns green makes you likely to get honked at. And honking the split second a light turns green makes you a moron. (#JerseyDrivers)
* Did you know…honking your horn in a traffic jam does NOT straighten the mess up? And, interestingly enough, the more people who honk, still makes no difference in the congestion--NOT AT ALL. (#RoadScience)
* Sunflower seeds are as effective as Red Bull at keeping you awake. Either they’ll get stuck in your teeth, you’ll choke on them, or your tongue-and-tooth coordination will be so pathetic you’ll starve.
* That white stuff is snow. You’ve driven in it before so don’t act like you haven’t.
* You should never try to open a box of Rice Krispies anywhere, but especially in a car. Don’t ask. (#$#!%!)
* If you decide to swerve to avoid the deer in the road, you’re increasingly more likely to hit that same deer in the ditch. (#DitchKill)
* The longer you’re in the car the more likely you are to hear the same song multiple times. That formula increases when it’s a song you REALLY don’t like. (#JustinBieberAnything)
* 93% of accidents near Disneyworld or Disneyland, are caused by unlicensed and uneducated tourist drivers (Read: Terrorists on Wheels.) I mean...that has to be true.
BOTTOM LINE PEOPLE: RELAX. Less Digitus Med’ius, more intelligence. Safe travels America! (#SafeTravels)